At around 9:30 pm last night, I was deep into one of my ang pangit ko moments (complete with crouching in a corner and rocking back and forth) so I decided to take the elevator down to the ground floor and subject myself to a facial cleaning session.
When I entered the clear glass doors I was welcomed by several tiny women wearing a cross between a nurse's and chambermaid's uniform. Something that looked like shower caps covered their heads and only their eyes could be seen above the surgical masks on their faces. I was asked to lie down on a narrow bed that resembled a gurney and the treatment began.
One of the nurses/maids slathered 2 kinds of cream and a cucumber-melon scented gel on my face, gave a wunnerful facial massage, and then steamed my face to open up my pores. Ah, I thought, to be pampered like royalty. Then I heard the clink of metal instruments--and the girl proceeded to gouge and scrape my skin raw for about 20 minutes. All through the last procedure tears periodically escaped from the corners of my eyes. After those few minutes of pure pain the girl proudly showed me the fruits of her efforts--2 squares of tissue peppered with gunk she had lovingly and enthusiastically extracted from my pores.
By then my face felt all puffy and sore but I still felt that I hadn't gone through enough of the required suffering to be beautiful. I asked the girl if they did waxing of the mustache area (I had just read an article in one of the newer magazines in our bathroom about how removing facial hair can change your whole look) and she said they did. I asked them if it would take very long and they said it would not take more than 5 minutes so I asked them to go ahead and do their stuff.
I remained on the gurney and a different girl came in. She then took a spatula, dipped it in some steaming, viscous liquid, blew on it to cool it off a bit, then spread it on half of my upper lip. This isn't so bad, I thought. Then before the wax could harden completely, she stuck a piece of thick cloth on the wax, smoothed it out, and then ripped it off my skin. It felt like she had torn away half of my face. She proceeded to do this three more times--the other half of my upper lip, then twice more on the lower lip. They weren't lying. It did not take more than five minutes--but the pain lingered well after the whole thing was over. I could just imagine how excruciating this would be if done on the legs or gasp! the bikini area.
So there you go, the requisite pain and suffering. I did feel cleaner and prettier when I woke up this morning--though my face still feels like it had been through hell and back.
It just struck me now--if you were a masochist and looking for some good hurtin' all you have to do is head on to your nearest facial clinic and subject yourself to their tender loving care.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
just another day
Chong, here you go:
She had bruises on both arms and felt the urge to sink her teeth into flesh. She asked the person beside her if he'd be a willing victim to her gigil and he agreed. She bit his upper arm and felt him writhe. It helped diminish the gigil, but only for a while. Several beers later,she asked him again. It took a lot of prodding this time before he agreed. She saw him reach out and clutch the beefy arm of the person beside him in anticipation of the pain. As she was biting him she realized his arm will look tomorrow the way hers did right then.
They transferred to another place to get even more sloshed. It was already past 2 in the morning when everyone agreed to go home. As they headed for Sikatuna to drop off the cute young couple of the group the car engine died. Everyone got out and the men pushed the car to try and jump-start the engine. It didn't work. She looked at the car rolling slowly away from her and could not hold back her laughter. Three drunks pushing a tiny white car in the early morning amidst the noise of neighborhood dogs barking their disapproval was just more than she could handle.
Later on she listened to the men give their two cents' worth as to how to make the car start. One suggested they get gasoline, maybe it ran out. Another suggested looking at the engine, another was saying it was probably some broken cable and they would have to leave the car where it was. They tried all the suggestions, except the one about leaving the car. Two of the men rode a trike to get gasoline. They fed the tank a whole coke litro of gas but the engine remained obstinately quiet. They tried looking underneath the hood but couldn't figure out what was wrong. They tinkered with the battery and nothing happened. When everyone was about to give it up for lost, the car owner suddenly saw the problem--some hose that got disconnected. He reconnected the troublesome hose and everyone squeezed themselves into the car once more. A few meters later, the engine died. The damned hose got disconnected again. Eventually, the early morning (and the car) was saved by wet-with-saliva-but-still-sticky gum someone had been chewing on the whole time. They used that on the hose.
She was dropped off at her place at around 4:00 am. Fifteen minutes later, the driver messaged her: Home. Hehe. If I only had a blog. Between teethmarks and a gang of drunk idiots pushing a 38-year old car, this day would have made my top 5 best.
Hers, too.
She had bruises on both arms and felt the urge to sink her teeth into flesh. She asked the person beside her if he'd be a willing victim to her gigil and he agreed. She bit his upper arm and felt him writhe. It helped diminish the gigil, but only for a while. Several beers later,she asked him again. It took a lot of prodding this time before he agreed. She saw him reach out and clutch the beefy arm of the person beside him in anticipation of the pain. As she was biting him she realized his arm will look tomorrow the way hers did right then.
They transferred to another place to get even more sloshed. It was already past 2 in the morning when everyone agreed to go home. As they headed for Sikatuna to drop off the cute young couple of the group the car engine died. Everyone got out and the men pushed the car to try and jump-start the engine. It didn't work. She looked at the car rolling slowly away from her and could not hold back her laughter. Three drunks pushing a tiny white car in the early morning amidst the noise of neighborhood dogs barking their disapproval was just more than she could handle.
Later on she listened to the men give their two cents' worth as to how to make the car start. One suggested they get gasoline, maybe it ran out. Another suggested looking at the engine, another was saying it was probably some broken cable and they would have to leave the car where it was. They tried all the suggestions, except the one about leaving the car. Two of the men rode a trike to get gasoline. They fed the tank a whole coke litro of gas but the engine remained obstinately quiet. They tried looking underneath the hood but couldn't figure out what was wrong. They tinkered with the battery and nothing happened. When everyone was about to give it up for lost, the car owner suddenly saw the problem--some hose that got disconnected. He reconnected the troublesome hose and everyone squeezed themselves into the car once more. A few meters later, the engine died. The damned hose got disconnected again. Eventually, the early morning (and the car) was saved by wet-with-saliva-but-still-sticky gum someone had been chewing on the whole time. They used that on the hose.
She was dropped off at her place at around 4:00 am. Fifteen minutes later, the driver messaged her: Home. Hehe. If I only had a blog. Between teethmarks and a gang of drunk idiots pushing a 38-year old car, this day would have made my top 5 best.
Hers, too.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
beerday narrative
A narrative someone asked for as a birthday gift. Still on its rough stage so be forgiving. Haha.
---
You boarded his car with beer goggles fixed firmly over your eyes—the world confined to a fishbowl and your head swimmy from all that San Mig Light. He got on the driver’s side beside you without saying a word, his mind seemingly somewhere else, as morose and unapproachable as he had been all night. You found that strange, and slightly annoying, as he was the reason why you and the others were at Sarah’s in the first place.
You weren’t even sure in the beginning if that invitation to welcome his coming birthday at Sarah’s really included you. The first time you had met you were tired, wound-up tight from your new job at the ICW, and slightly smarting from the premature ending of a promising flirtation. You somehow got drunk and shouted at him for some remark he had probably made in fun—something about lit majors being needy, if you recalled correctly. As if that had not been enough, you had stood, yanked up your shirtsleeves, and maybe (now this tidbit only according to your friends) even threatened to inflict bodily harm on his person. The day after, your friends and your niece—who had also been there that time—couldn’t stop hassling you about that incident. Embarrassment came to you in tsunami proportions and you promised yourself that you would never ever drink so much while feeling pissed. And since you had never seen him before at Sarah’s, you prayed that you wouldn’t ever lay eyes on each other again to save yourself from possible mortification. But, as you’d proven often enough in the past, the universe had a warped sense of humor so he sat at your table a few days later. That was the time when he had driven you home afterwards (was he being nice or would he suddenly push you out of the car while driving at 100kph) and invited you to his celebration—and you weren’t sure then if you should accept. You saw this move as suspect: would he pull some dirty trick to exact revenge for what you had done to him?
So there you all had been, his Friday group and your not-just-on-Friday group, sitting together and waiting for him—the birthday boy—to arrive. When he did turn up he seemed light years away from being happy. Now you’ve always had this compulsion to cheer people up, even when you were feeling tired and miserable yourself, and you tried to siphon away his dark mood—but he remained as sullen as ever. When he asked you half an hour later if it would be in bad form if he left ahead of everyone you wanted to hit him on the head with a beer bottle. A few minutes after twelve, when everyone was already smashed from the many rounds of beer he had treated you all to, he urged everyone to go home.
You tried to sleep in the car with your head still swimming—with beer, water, koi—but couldn’t so attempted to make conversation instead. You noticed that he was driving a different car, a gray one, from the last time he had driven you home. Déjà vu struck you—the same situation but with a different person behind the wheel. You had asked that person if he had been driving a red car the first time he had driven you home and he had answered with, “You must have been really drunk that first time because my car had always been gray.”
You asked him the same question you had asked the other more than a month ago but this person that you were with now answered that yes, the red one was his sister’s and this car he was driving now was his. You sat back and chewed on that for a while.
A few meters away from your condo you asked him why he was so sad. He answered that he just was, nothing wrong with that. You tried to make him explain, maybe you could then find that opening to cheer him up, but he managed to dodge all your probes. By this time you were already in front of your place but you didn’t make a move to get out of the car. He put another cd in the player and you asked him if that was your cue to leave. But he asked you to stay and you readily did. It was important to understand why he was so glum—maybe in doing so you could root out your own sadness.
Later on, he asked if you would like to go for coffee at the nearest gas station and you agreed. Once there, you both headed for the rest room and you saw him go past the men’s and head straight for the ladies’. You grabbed his arm and tried to steer him in the right direction; to your surprise, he told you that he was just going to open the door for you. Afterwards, he pulled a chair for you to sit down on but, not understanding, you pulled another chair and sat down on that one instead. He looked at you strangely then, but you could only shrug and smile. You settled yourselves in your respective chairs, facing each other, ready to do battle. And you talked well until dawn.
After he brought you home for the second time that night you suddenly realized, as you were wobbling up the stairs to the lobby, that you still hadn’t fully comprehended his sadness—or your own. You latched on to this failure and placed a hand on your belly, trying to find the familiar feeling of dejection, but found yourself smiling instead.
---
You boarded his car with beer goggles fixed firmly over your eyes—the world confined to a fishbowl and your head swimmy from all that San Mig Light. He got on the driver’s side beside you without saying a word, his mind seemingly somewhere else, as morose and unapproachable as he had been all night. You found that strange, and slightly annoying, as he was the reason why you and the others were at Sarah’s in the first place.
You weren’t even sure in the beginning if that invitation to welcome his coming birthday at Sarah’s really included you. The first time you had met you were tired, wound-up tight from your new job at the ICW, and slightly smarting from the premature ending of a promising flirtation. You somehow got drunk and shouted at him for some remark he had probably made in fun—something about lit majors being needy, if you recalled correctly. As if that had not been enough, you had stood, yanked up your shirtsleeves, and maybe (now this tidbit only according to your friends) even threatened to inflict bodily harm on his person. The day after, your friends and your niece—who had also been there that time—couldn’t stop hassling you about that incident. Embarrassment came to you in tsunami proportions and you promised yourself that you would never ever drink so much while feeling pissed. And since you had never seen him before at Sarah’s, you prayed that you wouldn’t ever lay eyes on each other again to save yourself from possible mortification. But, as you’d proven often enough in the past, the universe had a warped sense of humor so he sat at your table a few days later. That was the time when he had driven you home afterwards (was he being nice or would he suddenly push you out of the car while driving at 100kph) and invited you to his celebration—and you weren’t sure then if you should accept. You saw this move as suspect: would he pull some dirty trick to exact revenge for what you had done to him?
So there you all had been, his Friday group and your not-just-on-Friday group, sitting together and waiting for him—the birthday boy—to arrive. When he did turn up he seemed light years away from being happy. Now you’ve always had this compulsion to cheer people up, even when you were feeling tired and miserable yourself, and you tried to siphon away his dark mood—but he remained as sullen as ever. When he asked you half an hour later if it would be in bad form if he left ahead of everyone you wanted to hit him on the head with a beer bottle. A few minutes after twelve, when everyone was already smashed from the many rounds of beer he had treated you all to, he urged everyone to go home.
You tried to sleep in the car with your head still swimming—with beer, water, koi—but couldn’t so attempted to make conversation instead. You noticed that he was driving a different car, a gray one, from the last time he had driven you home. Déjà vu struck you—the same situation but with a different person behind the wheel. You had asked that person if he had been driving a red car the first time he had driven you home and he had answered with, “You must have been really drunk that first time because my car had always been gray.”
You asked him the same question you had asked the other more than a month ago but this person that you were with now answered that yes, the red one was his sister’s and this car he was driving now was his. You sat back and chewed on that for a while.
A few meters away from your condo you asked him why he was so sad. He answered that he just was, nothing wrong with that. You tried to make him explain, maybe you could then find that opening to cheer him up, but he managed to dodge all your probes. By this time you were already in front of your place but you didn’t make a move to get out of the car. He put another cd in the player and you asked him if that was your cue to leave. But he asked you to stay and you readily did. It was important to understand why he was so glum—maybe in doing so you could root out your own sadness.
Later on, he asked if you would like to go for coffee at the nearest gas station and you agreed. Once there, you both headed for the rest room and you saw him go past the men’s and head straight for the ladies’. You grabbed his arm and tried to steer him in the right direction; to your surprise, he told you that he was just going to open the door for you. Afterwards, he pulled a chair for you to sit down on but, not understanding, you pulled another chair and sat down on that one instead. He looked at you strangely then, but you could only shrug and smile. You settled yourselves in your respective chairs, facing each other, ready to do battle. And you talked well until dawn.
After he brought you home for the second time that night you suddenly realized, as you were wobbling up the stairs to the lobby, that you still hadn’t fully comprehended his sadness—or your own. You latched on to this failure and placed a hand on your belly, trying to find the familiar feeling of dejection, but found yourself smiling instead.
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